It’s Not Fair

The best (and worst) discussions amongst our little tribe seem to happen at the lake. Maybe it’s because we’re all forced into close quarters in the cozy, peaceful little cabin or because the tranquility and stillness of the surroundings put our mind and heart at ease long enough to ask rich, deep questions and wrestle those persistent giants.

As we opened a conversational door marked, “Warning: This Door Could Lead Into Dangerous Territory,” we talked about ways parents are screwing up, excuse me, “negatively affecting,” their kids.

My teenage daughter said a lot of kids turn away from God and see faith as ridiculous because of the way their parents act: one moment talking about how great God is and the next yelling at their spouse and slamming doors.

Flinch.

“Was she talking about me??”

Is that how she sees us?

When we were in the years of struggle – neck deep in the pain and shame; feeling helpless and hopeless – we absolutely were those people.

On the outside we could march into church with our smiles, but on the inside we were so deeply suffering, and that hurt would eventually erupt into a volcano of emotional tension spilling over and harming anyone in its path. Even when we thought we were being discrete, little ones are very perceptive.

Years ago, in the middle of dealing with the difficulties of my husband’s addiction, I would call out to God, even yell at Him through gritted teeth. I didn’t understand why He wasn’t answering my prayers to save our marriage. I desperately needed Him to rescue me from the prison I was in, and the chains that kept my husband bound as well.

I would spend my showers sobbing, begging for Him to intervene. And then, one day, I knelt down on the floor of the shower; broken, tired, and depleted of any energy to continue to try to fix the mess we had become.

I stopped trying to understand, stopped trying to “fix,” and stopped trying to control my circumstances. I just laid it on the altar and decided that WHATEVER God decided to do with my marriage and my life was up to Him. I was done trying to tell Him what to do or what I felt should happen.

Step by step, day by day, I started seeking God. Not rescue. Not understanding.

Just God.

Psalm 73 was one of the first things I read in the Bible with a different lens, and I felt as if those words were my own:

“Then I realized how bitter I had become, 

How pained I had been by all I had seen.

I was so foolish and ignorant – 

I must have seemed like a senseless animal to you.

Yet I still belong to you;

You are holding my right hand.

You will keep guiding me with your counsel,

Leading me to a glorious destiny.  

Whom have I in heaven but You?

I desire You more than anything on earth.

My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak,

But God remains the strength of my heart;

He is mine forever…how good it is to be near God!

I have made the Sovereign Lord my shelter,

And I will tell everyone about the wonderful things You do.”

Psalm 73:21-26, 28b

I was like a senseless animal.

The more I sought to understand, the more senseless I became.

But when I stopped seeking understanding and started seeking God, things became clearer and clearer, as if the wind moved in and cleared the fog.

It wasn’t until this week that I really read the whole 73rd chapter of Psalms and wished I had had that wisdom earlier.

“When I tried to understand…
    it troubled me deeply
till I entered the sanctuary of God“

Asaph, the author of Psalm 73, was bitter and discouraged. He didn’t understand why he had to suffer when others who didn’t believe in God seemed to prosper.

And when he tried to understand on his own, he was troubled; he couldn’t make sense of it. It all just seemed so unfair.

But then…he goes before God. He lays it down on the altar. He stops seeking understanding, and starts seeking God.

That’s when the fog clears for Asaph. He says,

“Then I saw the whole picture…”

from Psalm 73:17-20 MSG

God broadened Asaph’s lens to reveal more than he could see on his own.

MY DEAR CHILDREN…

I treasure the precious words in this chapter of Psalms.

But I am also convicted as I consider what damage was caused before I came to this amazing revelation of God’s power in our lives as we seek God first and wholeheartedly.

The words of my daughter echoed in my ears as I read verse 15:

“If I’d have given in and talked like this,
   I would have betrayed your dear children.”

Please, Lord, don’t let the ignorance of those painful times affect my dear children…

So we tenderly opened up that door and talked about how blind we were – as if we were playing a life-altering board game without reading the instructions. What a dangerous way to play…

We asked for forgiveness and prayed for healing.

We pray they will learn from our failures:

Seek Him first, daughter, & with all you got.

Your own understanding will fail and deceive you. Lean not on your own understanding…

In this life, you will grieve. But do “not grieve like people who have no hope” (1 Thes 4:13).

We can’t go back. But we can pour into them the sweet wisdom God has poured into us.

We can tell our story so others can learn without making the same mistakes.

And we can celebrate like crazy God’s power and rescue in our lives.

Because it is so, so good.

Where we used to erupt in pain, we now erupt in joy.

“Give us gladness in proportion to our former misery!
    Replace the evil years with good.
Let us, your servants, see you work again;
    let our children see your glory.

And may the Lord our God show us his approval
    and make our efforts successful.
   Yes, make our efforts successful!”

Psalm 90:15-17 NLT

I promised God years ago, when I first read these verses, that I would tell His story in our lives. It’s too great of a story not to tell.

And because of His story in our lives, our dear children, and the children that will come after them, will all have heard how He replaced the evil years with something incredibly good.

“And I will tell everyone about the wonderful things You do.”

Psalm 73:28b