I Will Faithfully Follow Jesus Unless…

One sentence in a Beth Moore Bible study years ago significantly changed my faith journey and relationship with Jesus. I was new to town, I didn’t know anyone, and I was in a room full of women, which can be…well, let’s face it, ladies, it can be terrifying. I contemplated leaving as I sat alone amongst a room full of women who knew each other well. But as I pretended to look engaged in the book, one sentence seemed to lift off the page. It absolutely wrecked me, and it keeps wrecking me over and over and over again in new situations and new seasons.

I’m unsure of the exact sentence structure, and honestly, I can’t even remember which study it came from. But the life-wrecking sentence went something like this:

I will faithfully follow Jesus unless ________________________________________.

Fill in the blank. 

What unimaginable circumstances would keep you from wholeheartedly following Jesus? I’ll follow Him unless…my spouse is unfaithful? I lose a child? My business fails and I go bankrupt? The ministry I invested my entire life in fails? My pastor is involved in a scandal? My church turns its back on me and my family in the middle of a crisis? I get a terminal diagnosis the day after I retire?

Suddenly, I had to confront the things that would cause me to question if God is truly good, and if He is worth giving my life for. In that moment, in the middle of that lonely room with Beth Moore’s voice echoing in the background, idols became clear.  I recognized that despite decades of choosing Jesus, I had a list on that fill-in-the-blank of things that would potentially drive were driving a wedge between my Savior and myself. 

Although the dreadful things on my list had never happened, as I wrestled through them with God, He opened my eyes to the truth that 

…even though they were situations that only took place in the hypothetical, they revealed idols that were creating distance between Jesus and I in the present. 

My marriage, my kids, my future…all these gifts from God had become “mine” – “my people” –  my idea of what I wanted my life to look like. They were all things I frequently allowed to quietly slip into first place in my life, and I had my fists closed tightly around it all.

I remember nothing else from that study, but it was enough. It gave me a chance to wrestle with God BEFORE the difficult situations came and helped prepare my heart to respond more wisely. If we lived in an area prone to earthquakes, we’d have a plan in place before the ground was shaking instead of trying to figure out what to do when the walls were caving in around us. Because they came…those times in life when it felt as if the walls were caving in. But wrestling with this sentence gave me the opportunity to form my “disaster plan” and cling to the only stable One that would get us through the shaking.

I encourage you to fill in blank. Sit with it for awhile and consider what might make it on your list:

I will faithfully follow Jesus unless _________________________________________.

Have a chat with God about it. Let Him show you the ways to prepare your heart before the shaking comes. The things on this list often reveal our idols. We can close our fists around these things, but it hinders our lives, especially our relationship with Jesus, in incredible ways without even realizing it. Corrie ten Boom said,

“Hold everything in your hands lightly, otherwise it hurts when God pries your fingers open.”

This quote used to bother me so much. I used to think it made God sound like He’s mean and forceful, but I have had the opportunity for Him to pry my fingers open (a few times thanks to my stubborn nature), and I’ve experienced how right Ms. ten Boom was. God does not pry our fingers open in a violent, angry way, but in the way a mother pries open the fingers of a child that is about to swallow something poisonous. We would absolutely pry open their little fingers to save them, even if they stubbornly refused, tried to hide, or angrily screamed in resistance. We would pursue them and even tackle them to keep them from danger if it was necessary.

Our God knows we live the fullest life with free and open hands – hands that are available to be lifted high in worship, preparing a table to bring people together, holding babies and little hands, cheering on our friends, and clapping in excitement and joyful celebration. It’s all from Him. Created and given by Him, for Him.  They are all His gifts to us, but they are not ours. When we release them into His hands, we get to enjoy the gifts, delight in the Giver, and give Him glory. We can soak up all the joy they bring, do our best to steward these gifts well, give God our deepest gratitude, and  continuously offer them back up to Him, for He is “able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine” (Ephesians 3:20), far more than we could ever do with our fists closed tightly around them.

“Every good and perfect gift is from above…”

James 1:17a