I Messed Up…Again

You thought you had a handle on it.

You thought things were going so well.

How, then, could you possibly be here…again??

“What a screw up.  You’re never gonna get this right.  I thought you were smarter than this.  This must just be who you really are.  Your kids/husband/family/friends are better off if you would just stay away; keep busy with other things so you don’t negatively influence them. God must be so disappointed in you.  All you do is mess up.”

Oh, what ugly lies.

There are all these lies that can slowly drift in like an evening mist, first hardly detectable, then growing into a heavy fog that lingers and keeps you from seeing clearly what is really in front of you.

No matter what is your “mess up,” it is never final.  It is never the last page of your book.  We just forget who our Author is sometimes.  We unconsciously snatch the book out of His hands without even a thought.  Perhaps out of an overwhelming moment of fear or even excitement from a new opportunity that looks “good” but is not His plan.  

But He’s so willing to take the book back into His loving hands.  He’s waiting for you, calling for you not to waste time bathing in shame and guilt.

So often, our mess-ups come from getting distracted, taking our eyes off the prize.

I’m still here…He says…Lift up your eyes.  

He doesn’t desire for us to shuffle along with our eyes to the ground until we have made things “better.”  He doesn’t desire for us to fix everything ourselves before we can enter back into His presence.

He just desires US.  Broken, selfish, fear-filled, angry, messed-up US.

HE STOPS AT NOTHING

When my son, Jude, was two, I took our three children to the zoo while my husband was speaking at a conference.  It was hot and crowded, but we were ecstatic to have the day to explore the zoo.

A kind lady and her daughter stopped us in the petting zoo to ask if we had any coins for the animal feed, and I was feeling pretty great that I had finally prepared for this and came stocked with coins for the machines in the petting zoo.  I asked our 9 and 11 year old daughters to watch our son while I helped them.

I got my coin purse and handed her coins and chatted with her briefly.  After a couple minutes I turned and asked our daughters where Jude was, they pointed to a little boy about his height and hair color who was facing the animals and looked just like Jude from the back…But I knew Jude was wearing a red shirt that day, and this little boy had on a gray shirt.

The panic instantly overcame me like a bolt of electricity running through my body.  I turned in every direction, but he was nowhere in sight.  

I ran, leaving our stroller, and yelling for the girls to stay right next to me.

Goats…no Jude.  Llamas…no Jude.  Donkeys…no Jude.

I started begging God for help, muttering words under my breath as I tore through each group of people, calling Jude’s name.

I yelled toward the zoo service station, “I’ve lost my two year old son. I cannot find him; he was just here.  His name is Jude, and he’s wearing a red shirt.”  But I didn’t stop to answer their questions.

I looked over and saw the water.  My heart felt as if it was being pressed on every side.  Jude loves water.  But he can’t swim.

Oh please, Lord, don’t let me find him under the water.  Please let him be safe.

I ran with my daughters over to the koi pond, and skimmed the water for any sign of a red shirt among the orange and white fish, moving peacefully through the water.  

Nothing.  No red shirt.  No sign of a disturbance in the water.

The only place left in view was the play area.  We turned and ran in the direction of the swings and slides.  

My eyes scoured every child, every piece of equipment.

And then I saw him.

Relief poured into me, cooling the fiery panic inside.

We ran over to him, this beautiful little round-faced boy who had no idea he had put his family through agonizing moments of terror as he slid merrily down the slide, following other cheerful, oblivious little faces.

We didn’t yell at him or scold him. I didn’t expect him to be remorseful or feel bad about leaving us.

There was nothing but emotional fireworks – explosions of love, relief, gratitude, and joy as we wrapped our arms around his small, wriggly body.

I am certain that is how our heavenly Father is toward us after we’ve messed up.

He is the Shepherd who goes after the one lost sheep.

He doesn’t just wander around calling for it, He furiously searches, knowing the dangers that sheep faces when it is away from the shepherd and the rest of the flock. 

And when He finds that sheep, He doesn’t scold it or punish it. He is overflowing with delight, knowing the sheep is safe in His arms.

He is a good Shepherd. A Shepherd that will stop at nothing until He can bring you close again, into His presence and peace, enveloping you, and whispering words of reassurance and love.

You are mine.  (Isaiah 43:1)

See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands. (Isaiah 49:16)

I am with you.  I will save you.  I delight in you.  Just close your eyes and hear me sing over you.

The Lord your God is with you,
    the Mighty Warrior who saves.
He will take great delight in you;
    in His love He will no longer rebuke you,
    but will rejoice over you with singing.”

Zephaniah 3:17

COME BOLDLY INTO HIS PRESENCE

Whatever lying words that try to make it into your story today, you have no time for.

If you have grabbed your book out of the Author’s hands, just ask for forgiveness and give it back.  He has so many good things to write on your pages.

Don’t waste another moment sitting in the darkness.  Come boldly into His presence and let Him love you, restore you, comfort you.

As He fills you up and reminds you whose you are, go gratefully shine the Light and remind others.  

What He tells you in the dark, say in the light and what He whispers to you, proclaim on the housetops (from Matthew 10:27).

When you have been reminded how insane and relentless His love is for you, let it be fuel for you to spread this Good News.

He numbers the hairs on your head (Matthew 10:30).

That’s crazy.  That’s completely insane.  

He is so concerned about you He numbers the hairs on your head.  THAT is the ridiculous love that will stop at nothing to bring you back into His presence.  This thought alone should fuel us with passion, purpose, and a deep desire to bring this news to all the people who desperately need His message.

“How beautiful upon the mountains
are the feet of him who brings good news…”

Isaiah 52:7a

The song, Reckless Love by Cory Asbury, never gets old to me.  

Here are the lyrics, and I included the video below.