God’s Not Finished With This Hot Mess Mom

Maybe you’ve screwed up as a mom.

Maybe you wish you could go back and do things differently…so, so differently.

Maybe you wish you had taught them more, nagged them less.

Maybe you see all of your mistakes in them and wonder what happened – I should have made them get a job and have more responsibility, I should have let them enjoy their childhood and not given them so much responsibility, I should have told them I loved them more, I should have pushed them more…and on and on…

But here’s the thing:

If you are reading this, you’re not too late.

I remember sitting through the Proverbs 31 sermon every single Mother’s Day, fidgety and hot because I’d just spent the hour before church making my family feel like the last place they’d want to be was sitting next to me in a church pew.

I felt like I’d never get it together and be able to raise my family the way those beautiful words in Proverbs 31 describe that seemingly impossible woman.

But this year, I felt a bit of warmth inside as I sat beside those treasured, precious ones God has gifted me with.

Not because I’m the Proverbs 31 woman I’d like to be.  At most moments of my day, I’m a hot mess. Or a not-so-hot mess, more likely.

But because I’m not quite as messy as I used to be.

I can look back and see how far I’ve come because I decided to stop trying so hard to be perfect in the world’s idea of what it means to be a perfect woman, or even the church’s idea of what it means to be a perfect woman.

I started seeking God for what He wanted for me and for my life and for my family.

If you are anything like I was, you see every flaw in your children as a failure on your part instead of an opportunity to teach, instruct, disciple, and model the better way.

God is not finished with them yet, and He’s not finished with YOU yet. 

What you decide to do today will have an affect on generation after generation after you.

Don’t waste another minute feeling badly about what you would have done differently.

If you haven’t taught them how to talk to and treat their spouses with love and grace, start today.  If you haven’t shown them God as the priority in your family and your life, start with devotions together tonight.

And getting down on your knees to wave the white flag and plead for help is a great place to start.

In Priscilla Shirer’s popular book, Fervent, she says this about where to start to change to make change as a mom:

“…they need you to not be on their backs, not be up in their faces, but be down on your knees.  

Assume a new fighting position.”

Change is hard and doesn’t happen as fast as we’d like it to, but in five years, if you look back on this Mother’s Day as you hear the Proverbs 31 sermon yet again, maybe you will feel more warmth in your heart than in your face.

Here is something I had written in my journal many years ago because my home was anything but unified at that time.

It is written Screwtape letter style (Screwtape Letters, C.S. Lewis), as if Satan was writing to one of his evil helpers to bring down our family. I knew Satan wanted my home divided, and he was trying very hard to use me to bring that division. The Enemy, in the context of this letter, refers to Satan’s enemy, Jesus Christ.

My dear Wormwood,

You have had much success with this family lately, I’m so proud of you for your perseverance.

How impressive it is that you use their love for each other as a distraction from the Enemy. Keep using this tool to keep their focus off Him. Let them relish in each other so much so that they are always losing track of their time and winding up in chaos.

This is particularly useful on Saturdays and Sunday mornings. You have quite a track record of Sundays, their so-called Sabbath, causing them to be focused on themselves. Well done. This, of course, will continue to pay off as their children grow up recognizing the “Sabbath” with a bitter taste in their mouths. If you keep up the good work, you will have it easy with that next generation. They won’t even understand why they’d prefer to sleep in on Sunday mornings. They will think they are protecting their own families from discord by not subjecting them to the harshness a Sunday morning offers.

Keep working on that mother. If the father refers to her as “the glue that holds them all together,” she’s the key to ensuring they are anything but unified. Make sure she sees his quiet time as selfish and lazy. Keep her focused on all the things he doesn’t do and not on any of the things he does. Help her to think she deserves better and is always treated unfairly. And finally, when she’s tired and worn-out, remind her of past difficulties. Make her full of suspicions and doubt.

When she speaks to her husband and children, make sure her negative words echo in their ears, making them doubt themselves and feel they’re not good enough. This could cause resentment that may benefit us for many generations.

Remember, my dear Wormwood, divide and conquer.

Keep finding those wedges and drive them deep. If you can keep that oblivious to them, even better. Work them toward indifference, if possible.

Let them be overworked and overtired. At some point in the not-so-distant future, they’ll get so tired of it all they just won’t put forth so much effort. That indifference will mark a tremendous victory for us.

Don’t give up. With just a bit more pushing, the victory could be won for not just this, but future generations as well.

Your affectionate uncle,

Screwtape

For some reason, thinking of the actual strategies Satan was using against my family, and me as a mom, put things in perspective for me.

I encourage you to write a letter from this perspective for your own family and for yourself.  There is a lot of power in having that wisdom. It’s like looking at the other team’s play book or the opposing army’s battle plans.

Spend time at the Lord’s feet, asking Him to show you and make you the woman He wants, whatever that ends up looking like.

And keep coming back to His feet.

Failure after failure, mistake after mistake, asking for forgiveness and strength to do things HIS way instead of YOUR way. And thanking Him and rejoicing with Him when He gives you small victories.

Our dear Proverbs 31 woman is clothed with strength and dignity. It’s not her own strength, of that I’m certain.

It’s the Lord’s strength that clothes her.

And from that, HIS strength, ALL things are possible, including turning your hot mess into a a blessing for generations to come.